Friday, February 18, 2011

I'll always miss you!

           Its almost 5 years now still I miss you my friend cause i know I never will find any one like you, the  friendship we had would be pure and untouched chapter of my life always. Everytime I miss our friendship, reminds me of the this song i heard recently...  “There’s better place than this emptiness, And  I Feel so lonely.....”  and  all the memories flood my body along with the blood , rushing through my veins. And same air surrounded me, the air which surrounded me when Farhaan use to be around, his eyes, once you have look at them and you can never forget,they were so deep it seemed you belonged  there as if they had been longing for you, his voice still rings in mind so strong yet so calm, now which I long to hear, words spoken by him there was no hollowness but strong will, care and promise. The way he spoke could be described as tehzeeb which I never ever found in anyone. I wont say he was most handsome person yet his looks were enough to attract you to him but  definately he had a beautiful soul gifted by god. Probably he was one god angels sent for few of us, or for me.
           Yes Farhaan  was my friend,just friend  thats what i always made him clear isn’t  it... He didn’t belong to my religion he was muslim but that didn’t ever matter to me, though he was the only muslim friend I ever made , close to my heart , a special space in my heart he had earned it. We met was just by chance it just had been one month, month of december, but anyone who would have saw us then would have felt we had been friends for ages . It always made me so comfortable  and secure with him around, when  with him places never matter. It was our class timings never matched but it never made difference we waited for each  other with or without friends. Oh me! only  my friends or people always with me know how prone to accident I am! So did he , he took care of me as if i was fragile peice of some rare monument. I can hurt myself  even while walking plain surface without obstacles,  forget the scene of crossing the busy lane. He had always been so calm and composed taking all of my radical attitude, admant behaviour, my philosophy, my ego. Listening me, my tantrums, my laughter, catching my tears though he was never the reason for those tears till he was here, Always by my side as best friend probably more than that,  cracking silliest joke to hear my laughter, doing somethings those actually touched your heart, appearing from no where just to see me smiling, making sure I am having my food properly because i had been hit by virus called ‘dieting’.Even if he had to point out my flaws which he rarely did, he did it in such a subtle manner, that even i had to agree unknowingly.
It was never about me, it was always about us but let me clear we were just friends. It was not only me but everyone with us always wanted to be with him, always orbiting him and I was lucky enough to have him orbiting around me probably he loved it and it made me happy. Having him around was like having comfortable bed ,fluffy pillow , warm blanket,  few good thoughts and your are sure of having one of the sweetest dreams on chilled nights. I have met so many people till now but none of them were like him not even a bit, actually no one can ever be like him.  I felt him to be so perfect he was just out of this world  thats the reason I called him an angel, adored by everyone family, friends ... even strangers, I just kept wondering how can such thing ever possible, describing him I would be short of adjectives. The only thing that made me worry about him was that he never wore helmet while riding bike, though he was excellent biker and stuntman, I loved speed yet looking at him doing all those stunt created churns in my stomach. When he told me he  loved me ... i made it clear ‘farhaan, I don’t know about future but for now you are just friend of mine, whom I love as myself” and then he said “ bachha, I never wanted you to say yes, i just wanted to let you know my love for you, the best thing happened to me”.He said this as  if he had foreseen future, as if he wanted to give me some msg before..... but I was ignorant cause I was on cloud 9.
           Then it was end of month of february it had been almost 16days we had not met we just spoke on phone twice , I  had been to Delhi for my training, i came back by first week of march yet we had not met. Something was wrong I had figured it out I even pointed it out when we spoke on phone , I wondered why was my friend keeping away from me and he denied saying “bachha don’t worry we’ll meet on 10th march just two days to go...” ,later on 11th march  he was to go for the same training as I  did in Delhi. But on same day again in evening he called me up that was bit unusual yet I ignored it. Next day just went by as it was my nephew’s birthday.
            On th morning of 09th march Salem calls me up saying farhaan is no more with us ... and my ears went dead and everything around me was spinning and I was falling down, deep down in hell.... when I woke up I still couldn’t hear anything, I could just see Salem and other friend of mine at my place they were here to take me to his place so that atleast i could have last glimpse at his angelic face. I was not able to speak , my feelings were rather flowing from my eyes, The face I was longing to see past 25 days, its warmth that made me happy, the halo which made the weather around you so pleasant. Yet I  had no guts to cross the distance between us  nor do I  know what was going around when we were at his place. When i saw him my tears were screaming out of pain because only I knew what had I lost, this was the face i never knew before it was so cold without warmth, without wink, without its halo and no more echoes of ‘Bachha’. My tears were loudly abusing the helmet, it was first time ever he had wore it in his life, and which cruelly was last time as well.. accident would not have been that fatal if he had not worn the helmet, actually it would have not taken place on first place thatwas what police said .Then my eyes turned around i saw his sister and brother besides his mother. Next I remember his sister coming to me and hugging me as if she knew everything about me, then she place something in my hand and saying that farhaan had asked to do so....
            So  was he aware of whats going to happen all the time? It still is mystery but ..... Farhaan still is missed by us. I would rather say i still miss him and from time to time when ever i feel lonely I know he is still around me orbiting me just as he use to, trying to hold ever tear I drop missing  him, and feeling goes strong whenever I listen to “Aahatein ho rahi teri......”
Miss you a lot Farhaan always..... If just i could let you know...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Realisation of few minutes can change your life....

       Frankly I am not the avid reader, still yes sometimes I do love reading books.. Paul Coelho is well known writer, but not to me until i came across "Eleven Mintues".Eleven Minutes is a kind of book most of the people at the first glance would consider higly offensive. So did I, in the beginning but as the story advanced , the book turned into a beautiful reality which lets us through a journey of love and dreams that are searched for but not found. The story of a young small town girl  Maria who sets out to make it big in the world is the story.And were her greed to achieve something but instead of the big dreams she falls into a world of strip dancing and slowly into prostitution. Generally the subject should raise eyebrows and I too did just that...raise my eyebrows!! Am I reading something just too much to digest...
       The author talks uncensored about the experiences in eleven minutes she undergoes there in that world but also about the relationship she ends up in .. She meets a painter whom she develops a sort of friendship with which ultimately end in love.Even after being pushed into the dirty world , she doesnt give up the dreams , the hope to meet a man sometime in her life. when the painter who she meets in a cafe, pays to be with her every night , she seldom realises that this could be the story she is waiting for....For me each scene that was depicted in the novel was sheer genius...And I have started loving Coelho.... for all his writings... and this was one book that i had no criticism for. He says that this is the true story of a woman whom he had met in one of his travels and he had written a book on her hiding the real details such as name and her identity...
       How many of us have actually analysed our life ? We are so busy in day to day life that no one ever even think where are we rushing towards..... In the race of catching up with our dreams we are actualling forgeting what our dreams are.... craving for more and more of it.... Maria could have been little less selfish and thought  for eleven minutes... and she would never ever had regretted for any of those eleven minutes later in her life..

Saturday, October 9, 2010

How u would it be??

I love u mor everyday,
My name I long 4u 2say,
Do u knw jus hw i feel?
Do you know this is love is real?
Somtime I wonder what u think,
Wen you see my name, does your cheek turn pink?
Do you dream about me every night,
..Wish to hug and hold me tight?
Do you thnik we are meant to be?
Together forever, you and me!
There are questions that run through my mind,
Your way to my hreat, you did find..
Should I keep my feelins inside,
Keep them locked up, let them hide?
I just dont know what to do anymore..
My hrt... It aches.. It sores..
I love u more than you cld know.
And I dont want to ever let u go,
So even if I am jus a good friend,
I'll alwayz love you until end...

P. S. Mis ya